What's Goin On...

Amongst the many viral videos out there on YouTube, a new one has popped up simply entitled Whats goin on by a 13-year-old named Jonah Mowry.  The video was originally posted right before school started in August.

I don't normally post about YouTube videos, but this one is worth taking a look at by educators and parents alike.  Get your hankies ready.



There is currently an on-going debate on YouTube about whether or not this kid has made up this entire thing as a prank.  If it is a prank, he's got to be in the running for Best Lead Actor in a Short in the next Academy Awards.  Jonah did post an addendum of sorts which you can see here:



 You can decide what you think.

Whether or not his video is a prank, I think it's important to realize that this is the reality for many, many students in our schools everyday.  Regardless of the comments posted on YouTube, anyone who has ever been the focus of bullying realizes that it's not simply a matter of just "toughening up" or "learning to defend yourself".  Besides being hurtful, bullying is emotionally draining.  Young elementary schoolers may not know how to tell their parents or teachers that they're being picked on which will cause the bullying to continue.

The most startling insight into Jonah's video is that he claims the bullying started in first grade and he first cut himself in second grade.  I will admit that this is much earlier than even I expected, and it breaks my heart to think that a seven year old would be in such pain that he mutilated himself to feel better.

Even though Jonah's bullying has been focused on the fact that he is gay, our kids go to school and are bullied for various reasons everyday.   It is not practical to believe that our kids are going to make it all the way through school, kindergarten through twelfth grade, without experiencing bullying at least once.  Our kids should realize that those same differences that are likely to get them bullied are also what make them special, and our children need to learn to value differences in others.  Likewise, it has been my experience that those who are the worst offenders when it comes to bullying are either bullied themselves or have other on-going issues that cause them to lash out.

I have to give props to Jonah.  If this is some sort of hoax, while it might be in poor taste, it has managed to shed some light on the sad, inner feelings of our bullied students which are so much more desperate than we have ever imagined.

How do we stop a bully?

I recently had a lengthy Facebook discussion with a friend of mine from middle and high school regarding bullying.  Her son was being bullied on the bus, and the situation had reached the point  where he no longer wanted to go to school.

This scenario seems to be replaying itself across the nation as the school year progresses and our students begin to crack under the burden.  We’ve all seen the stories of students, tormented so extremely by their peers  that they feel they have no other choice but to take their own lives, and parents and schools are left asking the same question:  “What can we do?”.

A study released this month by the American Association of University Women (AAUW) attempts to address some of these issues.  Though the study, Crossing the Line:  Sexual Harassment at School, admittedly focuses primarily on sexual harassment in grades 7-12, it highlights some valid points that apply to bullying in general.

• Forty-four percent of students said the reason why they had harassed another student was because they didn’t think it was a big deal.  Bullying and harassment of any kind should be a big deal. 
• Fifty percent of all students didn’t do anything about being harassed.  They didn’t speak to a parent, a teacher, a friend, or the police.  Most bullying occurs in the seedy underground of the American public school—in the hallways during class changes, in the gym locker room, in the bathrooms, on the bus, or at the bus stop.  The places out of reach of or only loosely monitored by teachers and administrators.
• Thirty-six percent of girls and 24% of boys reported some form of cyber-harassment via text message, e-mail, Facebook, or other electronic means.

  Ladies and gentlemen, we have to do better.  All of us.  Parents, teachers, and administrators.  This is affecting our children’s education.  After being sexually harassed, students reported that they didn’t want to go to school, they had difficulty sleeping, they had actually stayed home from school, and, in some cases, been forced to change schools.

                Many students throughout the study reported that they felt their teachers didn’t care or wouldn’t do anything if they brought up the issue.  We need to know the school’s and school district’s policies on bullying/harassment and be able to speak to a student intelligently about what he/she needs to do if a student does report bullying to us.  Giving a student who has been harassed or bullied a step-by-step approach to taking control of the situation is a way to empower your student. 

           All complaints of sexual harassment/bullying need to be taken seriously by the administration.  There have been too many instances lately where a student has committed suicide, only for us to later discover that the school was perfectly aware of the bullying and not enough was done to stop it.  If a student is involved in a bullying or sexual harassment complaint, parents need to know immediately.

Finally, parents have the unique difficulty of striking the delicate balance between privacy and a lack thereof.  While middle and high-schoolers expect a certain degree of privacy, there is nothing wrong with a parent checking their child’s cell phone, Facebook account, or email occasionally.  Maybe that doesn’t make me popular, but, in this day, it could mean the difference between your child living and dying.  Experts have told parents for years that we should keep our family computers out of the kid’s bedrooms and in the living rooms.  There’s a good reason for that. 

If you want to read the full study Crossing the Line:  Sexual Harassment at School by Catherine Hill and Holly Kearl, you can read it here:  http://www.aauw.org/learn/research/crossingtheline.cfm